So close...

On Friday, I will finally receive the results for an exam I wrote way back in September. To be honest, I can't wait to find out. I think I am prepared to receive the news, good or bad. It's like the flu. You hate waiting for it, but it will feel so much better when it's all over. The only problem is that I cannot just stick my finger down my throat to speed up the process. I have to wait and sweat this one out. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.

I do not feel good about my chances of passing, so when you think about your chances it's like eating some food that you just know you won't be able to keep down. It's helplessness. It sucks because there is nothing I can do or say that would change things. The exam is not forgiving. If I've screwed up, there's nothing I can do for another year.

Before I go dye my hair black and become atheist, I want to say that I am just preparing for the worst. I will be disappointed, but I will be back to my normal self very quickly. It's one of the benefits of thinking negatively. This is the only exam I've ever wrote that has made me feel this way. It's probably one of the toughest things that I will have to ever do. It feels strange to write that, and probably more difficult for you to understand, but where so many of my decisions are dependent on this one exam, it's the reality.